it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
