Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
