how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
