through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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