maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
