Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
