fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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