Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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