My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
