you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
