Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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