if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
