I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
