Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Green mimosas i think yes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
