Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
