Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
