i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
