before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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