True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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