She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
