right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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