I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
COCAINE IS GR8
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
