I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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