I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
