Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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