what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
