Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
