You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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