the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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