I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
