i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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