friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
