Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
