if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
