you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
