Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
