I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
