Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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