let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
