either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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