8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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