Sry I called you an 8
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
