She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
