The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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