If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
