Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
