Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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