so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
