Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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