he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i drank out of a bidet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
