I didn't shave. On purpose
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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