jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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