Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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