the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
