Only a mothe r could love this liver
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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