Do you still have your period?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
