2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
