you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
