I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
