Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
