Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
