We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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